


Stagnant

by fueled_galaxies



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Drama, M/M, Poetry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-03
Updated: 2018-10-03
Packaged: 2019-07-24 12:08:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16174772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fueled_galaxies/pseuds/fueled_galaxies
Summary: "Missing him was never a choice.The loss we experience is greater than the love we ever felt.Sometimes it takes one to realize, and two to make it work.But one reason is enough to know that everything is worth it"





	Stagnant

**Author's Note:**

> First attempt for poetry-like fics and I'm pretty happy with this? One of my fave writers used this type of sequencing for poetry and I thought it was fun and wanted to try this out, thus the fic.  
> Also I just really wanted to write a quick semi angst chanbaek fic :))))

 

 

_*_ _***********_

  

 _Will I be able to erase you?_  
_In just one moment_  
_Can we become strangers?_  

 

 

 

 

 

A breathe of fresh air enters the windows

A cold yet nostalgic feeling welcomes him.

A different warmth yet strangely familiar.

 

 

A flicker of light shines the whole room

A hope that outshines the sadness within.

A little squint here and there, he’s starting to wake up.

A minute passed and he’s all up.

 

 

Abandoning unfinished homework left the night before,

Applauding himself for even doing half of it.

Approximately half the day from now, he’d finally get to see him,

Awaiting a day no different from any other.

 

 

Baekhyun had to accept reality.

Before fire meets fire,

Before the past might ruin his future,

Before he himself might end his own life.

 

 

Begin a new day

Begin a new path to a never ending cycle.

Beginnings were meant to bring joy,

Betrayals would often contradict the thought.

Better to be ready than to be taken by surprise.

 

 

Blame the new faces,

Blame how things got wrong.

Borders were already made

Built to keep hate and happiness apart.

But there’s always ways to keep them together.

 

 

Can’t pinpoint how things got from bad to worse,

Captions of every moment ran past the mind trying

Catch the real reasons why,

Caught up with the illusions of tomorrow because

Certainty was never present.

 

 

Chances are, they both feel the same.

Changing lanes

Changing perspectives.

Chanyeol was pretty much sure they are

Chasing the dream they both tried to let go.

 

 

Circles and paths and everything in between

Clarifying feelings that were always there

Clutching on to the last thread of hope there is.

Come here, he knows he can’t.

Come over, stay just like always.

Contradict what fate had planned all along.

 

 

Cycles are never ending,

Daring people  to find a way to get lose

Darting intentions left unspoken

Deceptions always start afresh.

Despite the familiarity that lingers on,

Detours are used as loopholes.

 

 

Disrupting the heart and mind with ideas of

Distracting the self to move on.

D.O always knew what to say.

“Do the things that make you happy”

“Don’t I always choose to be happy?

Don’t I ever get the chance to actually feel it?” Baekhyun was tired.

 

 

Early signs never got it right

Easy ways to just

End the pain and

Escape the nightmares that might come after.

 

 

Eventually, they start to accept it

Even though the feelings still remain mutual

Everything was left with a question mark.

 

 

Feelings grew as days passed on

Fighting against the desire to actually talk.

For all that’s worth, no one decided for things to be this way.

For Baekhyun, everything was like he always imagined it would be

For Chanyeol, it was something more.

For eight months, it was a dream.

For everything felt surreal.

 

 

Forgetting was the worst yet being

Forgotten was something awful.

Fulfilling the words they uttered, yet opposite to what feelings were dictating.

 

 

Gamble the time they spent together,

Genuine feelings always visible,

Gestures that meant the world to both of them.

 

 

“Give it time, let it all heal and be right back on your own.” As if it was the easiest thing to do.

Given the chance to do it, no one would actually grab it.

Go, try to follow what you feel.

Growing apart was never easy from the beginning.

 

 

Had the signs been right?

Had everything been all planned out all along?

Hasn’t time spoken for itself already?

Have time already ran out for the both of them?

 

 

Heading to different directions,

Hearing what other people were trying to say.

Here lies what the truth has been saying.

Here is where a love was blossomed into a romance no one expected

Here is where feelings were confessed and accepted as time passed

Here is where they felt infinite.

Hidden from the deceitful eyes people chose not to believe.

 

 

His gentle touches that sent him shivers

His laugh that he loved so much,

His smile that could light up his world

His voice he missed hearing every morning.

 

 

“Honestly, I thought we could be the definition of forever.

Hoping we’d last until the end to smile about it                    

Hours, days minutes, seconds passed. I know we were a perfect fit.

How did it happen?”

 

 

How different they may seem, but they could last for a lifetime.

How is it possible,

How they fit perfectly for each other?

How were they planning to go through all of this alone?

 

 

“I kinda think it was meant this way.

I know there was no such thing as forever,

I wanted to know how long we could stay like this.

I wanted to see if we could break all the rules.”

 

 

Inaudible feelings of sadness was always there yet

Instead of blaming it all on life, both tried to start anew.

It is a way of moving on

It is a way to get hold of everything.

It’s some sort of escape from the reality they have without the other.

 

 

“Jongdae hyung and I think it’s best for the two of you to actually talk”

Jongin was firm on his statement, Chanyeol was flustered.

“Jokes like that aren’t what I need right now. I don’t need to talk to him.”

“Just because the relationship ended, it doesn’t mean that you don’t love each other anymore.”

“Just look at where you are now Chanyeol, you’re a mess and so is Baekhyun.”

 

 

Keeping the friendship after a break up is always unexpected.

Kind words and gestures were never enough anymore.

 

 

Labeling what they were now is something impossible.

Last time they were friends turned into some more, right now was something even more complicated.

Later in time, they’ll both soon find out

Learning to accept the truth is never easy.

Leaving the one you love was never an option.

Letting themselves drown in their own tears and pride was never a good choice.

 

 

Listen to how they fall apart.

Listen to how those simple tendencies of forgetting every now and then led to to this.

Looking for little reasons to create a gap between them.

Loosening the tight relationship it took them time to build

Losing the one person you know was the right one,

Losing something that has already consumed you.

 

 

Luckily, someone played as the bridge

Luhan said they both had an option, it could be mended or it could be shattered completely.

Luring them to give it another shot, they were just overwhelmed with the situation.

 

 

Making decisions at first were hard.

Making meaningless arguments to escape from it.

Many things changed, everything was back to the start.

Marking the chance to start anew,

Mastering how to live on knowing he wasn’t there beside him.

 

 

Maybe Baekhyun was right, it was doomed from the start and they both know it

Maybe Chanyeol was right, it never was meant to be.

Maybe friends were right, they were better off as friends.

Measuring options and chances and fate, feelings were always greater than anything else.

 

 

Memories were kept in a box,

Merely not even half of all the things they did together.

Messy indications of a once perfect love story.

 

 

Misery loves to keep them company.

Missing Baekhyun was a choice

Missing Chanyeol was a choice

Missing each other was given

Missing how things were aren’t.

Movie tickets from their date

Moving pictures of how they accepted each other coming back up.

 

 

Newfound bitterness always there,

Never leaving their side until they realize that

No matter what they did, it was almost

Not enough anymore.

Notice how things started to change midway,

Notice how things turned from something exquisite to something painful.

Now just a piece of scrap paper in their memories

Nowhere to be kept hidden any longer.

 

 

Only an hour more their paths would meet again

Owning a little space at the back of the gym

Over the rustling of the students, they were ready to end it all completely.

 

 

Pacing back and forth, no one was ready.

Painless conversations already gone

Panicking over the fact that this must be the end.

People were looking at him, grief written all over it.

Please don’t make him do this.

 

 

Preparing the right words to say, they thought

Probably it was the best.

Promises were made to be broken anyways.

Proximity of time running out.

 

 

Purposefully, their friends stop them from doing this

Pushing them to the thought that it was stupid

Putting them into the position that things might get better.

Puzzled emotions rising are not what they need right now.

Questing on actually finding the answers of

Questions left unspoken from before.

 

 

Racing hearts and beats as loud as drums

Raising eyes to meet the latter’s.

Reacting to the other’s pained expressions

Realizing it felt like this happened before.

Realizing where this conversation would lead.

 

 

“Reasons, we lacked every bit of them. Every single one to actually made it work”

“Reasons were the one that led us to be together in the first place.”

Rehearsing how this would progress, Chanyeol was wrong to start it off like that.

 

 

“Right at this moment, didn’t we say we’d be infinite?”

“Right here, didn’t you say we’ll make it work when odds were against us from the start?”

“Right now, don’t you think everything was planned out?”

“Right or wrong, things just progressed like this without us knowing.”

 

 

Roller coaster like feelings were like tight

Ropes trying to pull them apart yet together at the same time.

Run.

Run, it was the only way to escape from this

Run, this wasn’t supposed to be this way.

Run to the nearest friend you could see and cry.

Rush out of here and save yourself. Let the

Rustling sounds drown out by his own breaking soul

 

 

Satisfying moments all gone

Searching the true reason how it ended as that.

“See, don’t you think you both aren’t still ready?

See hyung, you both need a lot more time than just a mere week.”

Seeking the message

Sehun was trying to convey  to make Chanyeol feel better.

 

 

Sitting on the cold cement floor

Skipping classes and locking himself in an empty room.

Sleep trying to consume him

Slowly, he fights it.

 

 

Somehow, Baekhyun is left unsatisfied

Somehow, Chanyeol was feeling the same as he stood unmovable from his earlier position

Spoken words were starting to be regretted

Stupidity got the best of them.

Substituting heartfelt feelings to words full of hate and pain

Suddenly, Chanyeol moves, he runs knowing the other is

Suffering far more than he is.

 

 

Suho wanted him to realize that

Taking into consideration the love they’re about to lose is what matters.

Tears starts to brim in his eyes.

 

 

The awkward feeling that his friends were right all along

The betrayals and lies all gone now

The changes he has underwent

The distinct desire to make it right

The effort he knows still lingers

The feeling of frustration of how pointless everything was

The giving up scheme was nowhere to be found

The heart he knows only belongs to the one he’s after right now

The idle moments he wasted thinking about everything

The jealousy would always be there, he thought

The keeping of the moments they had were important

The love he worked hard to achieve

The memories that he wouldn’t exchange to anything

The new found happiness Baekhyun gave him

The opportunity he found to be who he truly is

The past is overrated and therefore forgotten

The questions he knows would be answered in each other

The real answers lies within themselves

The satisfying feeling that Baekhyun would always be there

The turn point he was waiting for

The ugly words they’ve said before, turning to dust

The very little amount of time he knows he has

The wonder if he could ever make it right

The x he has forever buried long ago

The yesterdays he wishes to go back to

The zero minutes he’d regret when he makes the right choice.

 

 

Under the dark that consumes the whole room

Up until this moment, he was nervous

Very little time is spared for him to make it right.

 

 

“We are what we think we are.

We cautiously tried to avoid it, but we can’t.

We dated for so long that I know its love since the start

We decided to be more and it was the best

We fell into each other too deep

We gave it a try and look at where we are now.

We had the chance to make it work, and here I am doing what I think is right.

We joked how far we could give this a try

We kept the promise, but not the relationship

We let go of the ones

We love the most Baekhyun, and that was you.

We made an awful decision to just forget about everything

We needed time and space before it hit us.

We patiently tried, but I know we both failed

We ran out of reasons to keep away from each other

We tried to, I know we did,

We were never honest about that part, not really.

 

What’s past is past.

What we tried to do  was something not worth remembering.

When I see you, all I could think of is how did I ever let you go?

When you smile, it lights up my world.

With you, I know I am me,

With you, I think I could do almost anything,

With you, I think I feel euphoria.

Witness how I start to fall for you all over again.

Wufan was right

Xiumin was right, with you everything was worth it.”

 

“Years, I thought it would take us that long.

Yesterday I thought I would lose you Chanyeol,

Yet here you are, making me realize that I would never let that happen.

Yixing made me think about this a lot.

You know, I thought that was the end for us.

You live each day as if it was your last

You live everyday, thinking of ways to spend it with me

You live with the thought that one day I might leave you.

You moved on, that’s what I was thinking.

You ponder on things that would answer all the what ifs I had.

You realized that I was like you.

You started to think that I had the ability to leave you, when the truth is, I could never be like that

 

Your heart is as pure as it could be.

You’re not dumb like the others say

You’re plainly in love, and I was the same.

You’re the one I’d gladly spend every minute of my life with.

You’re you and that’s the only reason I could think of.

 

Zero seconds is the time I’d ever regret loving you in the first place.

Zitao was right, with you, everything was worth it.”

 

 

 

 

 

END

 


End file.
